The Truth of Why I am Fat

     Reading "Eat It Up!" by Connie Stapleton.  In the second chapter, she asks what id the truth to why you are obese.  I want to take the time to write this down so I never forget where I came from.  My story is not sad!  It's just the truth!
     I was a little chunky as long as I can remember.  I have seen pictures of myself in kindergarten, and I was not overweight, but through much of my grade school years I was teased for being overweight.  I was never obese as a child, but never skinny.  Not being as thin as my friends made me stick out like a sore thumb.  Being teased did nothing to make me lose weight!  I don't remember "taking comfort in food".  Maybe I did....?  I honestly just don't remember.  That was a uncomfortable time in my life, and over time I have forgotten details!  I just know that I came from a family that enjoyed food!  Nothing more then that!
     My mother was overweight, and she went through many different diets.  Having been teased so much, she ofter took me along to her meetings.  I remember going to Weight Watcher meetings.  I don't remember anything about it other that getting to sample healthy foods!  (If that isn't the fat girl answer!)  I remember losts of diets.  Then, as I hit Jr. High, she started TOPS, and I was allowed to attend as well.  I was there with another girl who was a few years older, and I was happy there!  It was fun to compete in contests to see how much you could lose!  Getting charms!  Being social!  Going to big regional meetings!  Those were good times!
     I had a close knit group of friends in Jr. High.  I had never been super girly, or wore make-up.  Some girls did a "make over" on me, and I felt good.  But I still only wore jeans and tee shirts!  I was into heavy metal music, and that was my life!  Going into high school, all I cared about was patches on my denim jacket, and my torn jeans and rock and roll tees!  I dressed very tomboy!  I just never thought about it, and never thought of my weight!
      In my Junior year I was re-acquainted with an old friend from grade school.  She showed me how much fun it was to be a girl!  We became best friends, and it became her goal to make me feel feminine!  She told me to wear a dress to school.... but I didn't have one!  A skirt?  Anything?  No, nothing.  So I wore a pair of black jeans, a lacy top, and a black blazer.  Not very feminine!  But I was learning!  We would walk for miles, do stuff!  I started losing weight, and getting attention from boys... and it felt amazing!
     Finally, during my Sophomore year, I got my first boyfriend!!!  I was over the top excited!  I couldn't eat!  I was just too excited!  It wasn't unhealthy... I just didn't care about food in the same way!  A few bites was plenty on my tummy while it was flip flopping over my boyfriend!  I would hint for compliments... "Oh, I am so sorry I am so overweight!"  His answer was "That's okay!  I Like girls who are bigger!"  Ummm.... not the answer I was looking for.  I was feeling good about myself!  I bought my first dresses, and had guys checking me out!  I could hear guys talking about "that girl's legs".  I had NEVER had this in my life!!!
     I broke up with my boyfriend... well, no, my parents broke up with my boyfriend for me!  (Yeah, I know!)  And I quickly started dating a man that was much older.  I was 16, he was almost 21, and I was "a bit old for him".  YIKES!  Not a good time in my life, but once again, the tummy was fluttering too much for big meals!  But I knew who I was meant to be with.  As soon as he broke up with me, his "best friend" asked me out!  Life was PERFECT!
     I was Marty's first girlfriend!  He thought I was beautiful, and told me so all the time!  The flutters were going CRAZY!!!  He loved to hike, and we were in the mountains whenever we had time!  Rock climbing, hunting in the desert... we were always doing something!  We went to the Homecoming dance together, and for the first time ever, I was able to fit into a size 7/8 dress!  I looked beautiful, and felt beautiful!  And Marty became my world!
     So every morning, Marty would pick me up for school and buy me doughnuts.  He would take me home, and stop at Del Taco for a snack.  He worked at Pizza Hut, so I would stop in to see him.  But I felt comfortable, and beautiful!  By Prom, I was back in a 16!!!  But I never saw the weight on me!!!  I had a man that loved me, and that was all that mattered!  I was beautiful to him, no matter my size!!!
     Soon after graduation, I got a job at Pizza Hut with him, and the rest is history!  I quickly balloned up to a size 20, and it never bothered me!  Had kids, lose and gain... it wasn't until I started FEELING the effects of being big that I finally cared! 
     That brings me to today.  Been with my Marty for 18 years!!!  Always knew that in his eyes I was beautiful, and so that is what matters.  But now, I am tired all the time, on insulin, and not "living life to it's fullest".  I don't feel beautiful anymore.  I feel sad and tired.  I want my life back.
     Not only do I hope to find some self esteem by losing weight, and an increase in energy, but I want to be a role model for my kids.  I want them to see that healthy is fun!  I want to hike!  I want to rock climb!  I want to live!